I am a trend,
The young woman affected
By a myriad of undiagnosed
Illnesses, relating, relating, relating-
I am foremost depression,
My soul is concave,
Pulling always towards
The center of the earth.
It dips enough
For the weight of my
Life to sit and push
Air from my lungs
Until it comes only in sips…
From these dark sheets
I become anxiety,
Held in the bars
Of a homemade cage,
Too shaken to answer
A call or read a text,
“They’ll find out,” my mind
Repeats, “they KNOW they
Know they know they know-”
Then I am manic and
Filled with spontaneous
Magic, it’s fire and warmth
Licking up my innards
And spouting from these eyes!
The world is completely
Within my reach,
I have no fears and
Leap from dream to dream to dream to-
-I dissociate-
What was once full of
Charcoal warmth
Slowly turns to ash
In my palms,
And I draw stick figures
On the walls of my mind
With a skinny index finger
Dipped in the remnants
Of my own inspirations.
None of this is as real as I thought it would be.
I am undiagnosed professionally,
But only because I fear-
I fear above all else
What my mind is capable of
Creating, of consuming, of captivating-
Well written. The depth of feeling in the verse is heart wrenching. To read is to be drawn in to and unknown world and wanting to escape before being consumed.
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Thank you! I’m glad it felt heart-wrenched, that was the feeling I most wanted to convey, being constantly in a state of unease with a dark familiarity… tossing and turning.
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Thank you for the link, twin minds should stick together. We all need each other deeply.
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Amazing!!
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Thank you so much for reading!!! 💜💜💜💜💜
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